Gay Pride Around The World….Clubbing Can Be A Real Drag

Yesterday I did a post about body image and the beach  – and it was sort of tongue in cheek about  “being  ready for the beach”  so I am not judged by all the hot guys there who have perfect gym bodies.  It’s sad, but true. In MANY cities around the world, the gay community can be very judgemental. Why is that? 

GAY PRIDE month is upon us and I ask myself, “why are some gays so judgemental?” The blacks and the jews have experienced prejudice and ostracism…what have we learned? why is it that many  gays in our community pass judgement on each other?

We just got back from Dallas .  A city I thought would not be that exciting – when in fact, it was  very  fun and exciting! And the people there, at every bar, were so kind and personable, even when we did not fit in. Here we are dressed  head to toe in designer couture walking into the Eagle of all places, and were welcomed with open arms.  We walked into a  “lesbian bar”, which was really only 70%  women and the rest were men hanging out.  We walk into a  “latin club” and we were the only  “white guys” in the whole place, yet guys smiled and talked to us.

Yet, In New York City, a city you would think is the most open-minded, you can walk into a bar in Chelsea and smile at someone, and they will turn their head rather than smile back at you, if you don’t fit that Chelsea boy image. Why do so many gays, especially in the 20-35 year old range, not give the time of day to older gays? Honey, you’re going to be old yourself one day!  Don’t judge me for how I look – or don’t look.  Embrace. Appreciate. Don’t hate!

Lady Bunny told me that recently, another popular drag queen in NYC was denied access to a gay bar.  She was informed by the doorman that “this was  men’s night and her kind was unwelcome.”  WTF?  Are you kidding me?  It was the drag queens who threw the first stones at  the Stonewall Riots  and fought for our gay rights to even be here standing in a gay bar!  Now we want to keep them out of our clubs?

Bunny  says  leather bars nationwide have a reputation of banning girls. I understand keeping out straight girls, who are un-escorted. But drag queens?  “I understand that certain cruising scenes thrive on a no-frills, butch atmosphere. But if you’re really confident that you are a big he-man, overflowing with testosterone, why should it matter if a feather boa swishes by you?” Bunny  asks.

For many gay men, the cruising experience involves hiding any effeminate tendencies they might have. Otherwise you are less likely to snatch any trade that night….self-hatred, anyone?”

This issue goes far beyond drag queens, ” Bunny continues. “One bear said  to me – at least you drag queens get in everywhere and are even handed  free drink tickets! Bears often can’t even get into clubs! –  Leather bars discriminate against drag queens and twinks. All kinds of gay bars discriminate against women. Trendy clubs have dress codes which might prevent  a  slob’s  entrance.”

“I travel to perform in smaller cities quite often, and it’s always refreshing to visit places where there is only one bar in town. Everyone from twink to bull-dyke to fag-hag is forced to mingle. But in NYC (and many other big cities) there are enough gays to segregate into different bars for different scenes. Gays are already a minority.  Can we ever advance mutual goals of a gay agenda if we can’t even party together in our public spaces?”

A gay bar can have a “scene”, that’s fine.  But do we have to ban or snicker or ignore at those who enter,  who may not fit in?

So here is my challenge to YOU;  next time you are in a club and see someone walk in alone, who looks nervous or like they may not  “fit in” – you be the first to SMILE. And say  HELLO!  Reach out to that “different” person and welcome them. You may not want to date them, that’s  fine!  Just treat them with the same respect, that you would like others to treat you with.


Read more Lady Bunny on her blog .